Advent - The Sacrifice

Imagine waiting and waiting and waiting to receive your gift in the mail.  You've been checking the status daily waiting for the elusive "your purchase has shipped message" so you can get a tracking number.  Then you start tracking the package as it moves from facility to facility getting closer and closer.  Finally!  It arrives!  And then you dad tells you that you can open it and play with it once, but then he is going to take it back.  What a rip!!!  How can he be so cruel!!!!!
God had promised Abraham a son and told him that a great nation would come through this son.  After so many years, Isaac is finally born and it seems like the promise is coming true.
Then ...
God tells Abraham, "sacrifice your son to me".  Wow.  At the end of the story, God provides a sacrifice in place of Isaac, but Abraham followed through, trusting in God.

So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided.”

How are you at following even when it doesn't make sense?  That's a tough one.  But, God is faithful.  Do you trust him?

Today's Advent reading: Gen 22:1-14

Advent - God in Tough Places - the "F" word

It's not fair!  Those words are absolutely forbidden in our house.  In fact, we refer to "fair" as "the f_ word."  Ever notice how when we say something is unfair, we are rarely talking about someone else's loss or disadvantage?  Usually what we mean by "it's not fair" is that we didn't get our way or someone else got something we perceive to be better than what we got. 
There is so much that seems to be unfair.  Where is God when things get tough?  So many things are at work in the background, that we often can't see the forest for the trees.  Sometimes we can look back on an event with the perspective of time and find some meaning or purpose in it.  Sometimes it remains a mystery - forever.
No matter the circumstance, you can always be sure that it's not fair.  God always loves you no matter what you do or don't do - no matter how unlovable you are.  That's not fair, but I sure do like it!

Today's Advent reading: Gen 37:1-36, Gen 50:15-21

Advent - Timing Is Everythng

God promissed Abram that he would be the father of a great nation, that his descendants would be numbered as the stars.  But Abraham and Sarah had grown old waiting for God to fulfill his promise.

"You promised!"  All my children went through this phase.  Closely associated with it is "You said ..."  And sometimes they were right.  I have over-promised and under-delivered from time to time.  God, however, never fails, but we often misunderstand his timimg.

Kinda like Gandalf's quote as he arrives at Bilbo's birthday party:

A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

Peter says it this way:

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. 2Pet 3:9

Today's Advent reading: Gen 21:1-7

Advent - Abram's Faith

Then he believed in the LORD; and He reckoned it to him as righteousness.

Gen 15:6

Abram believed.  Yep, that was it.  He believed.

But ...

Not it the sense of, "I believe that the sun is 93 million miles from the earth," or "I believe I'll have some of that there pistachio icecream," or, even, "I believe that God could if He wanted too."  It was a belief that compelled Abram to fully rely on Him.  Our belief resembles the classic, "I believe you can push me across the tightrope over Niagara Falls in a wheelbarrow, but I'm not getting in it!"

What does your belief compel you to do?  Get in the wheelbarrow!

Today's Advent reading: Gen 15:1-6

Advent - The Fall

“For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”   Gen 3:5

We all want things our way.  We want what we want, when we want, how we want and nothing better get in the way!  In our rebellion, we lose sight of everything outside of ourselves.  Yet,  even with all our self-centered, self-absorbed pettiness, He still loves us.

"And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel." Gen 3:15

But even in the midst of our self-serving tantrums, God still pursues us.  Just at the moment when judgement and condemnation seem to be in order, God says, "But it won't always be this way".  He loves you and me, inspite of ourselves.

Go figure.

Today's Reading: Genesis 3:1-19

Advent Reflection - Creation

So God created mankind in his own image, 
   in the image of God he created them; 
   male and female he created them.

Genesis 1:26-31

We are made in the image of God!  God created us and He loves His creation.  From Genesis 1 to Revelation 22 the story of His love for mankind unfolds in unbelievable grace and mercy.  Through the Advent season, look for the manifestations of His love through the scripture readings, Christmas carols, special services and activities.  You are dearly loved by the God of all creation!

Burned Out, Out of Balance or Bad Boundaries

Recently, I was asked this question:

You and Laura are so much to so many...and you have been a part of the church for a long time. How do you avoid/overcome church or spiritual burnout?

At times, not well ...
 I did suffer through a very serious period of depression that was directly related to ministry. I think I understand how to avoid it now, but I am not yet convinced that I will.
There is no "burnout" in the "trust and obey". Burnout comes in the artificial aspects of ministry that we heap upon the more organic call of Christ to simply walk in the manner in which we are called is no burden. To meet the expectations we or others place on ourself is the overwhelming burden. It is the difference that comes with understanding that "I can do all things through Christ" and at the same time knowing that I am not called to do all things.
Probably the best understanding comes from Cloud and Townsends "Boundaries". Being able to distinguish my responsibilities from yours and my responsibilities from God. Usually the issue is an identity crisis. I know I am James Freeman, but I want to be God.
When I begin to see the signs and symptoms of "burnout" approaching, I go back to the old mantra that helped bring me out of depression, "I am the one that Jesus loves and in Him I am enough!" I spend more time with Him simply as His child rather than His servant and things return to their natural balance. Keep in mind that this is very difficult relationally, because you have to give up some things you should have never taken in the first place and the people involved with those things don't want to see them go undone by you.
Of course, that is my mantra, suited to my own personal set of insecurities. Each person has to dig into their own heart to find their deepest area of need. Or better, ask our Father in Heaven to do the digging - "search me and know my innermost being ..."  The reason why we spin out of balance is unique to each of us.
Laura's answer would be completely different. You should ask her. In all likelihood, she will reveal that I am not doing as well at it as I think ;p
As I wait upon the Lord, He renews my strength, I can run effortlessly the race marked out before me, it's like I have wings ...

Do We Believe or Don't We

The classic definition of education is behavior modification.  What we learn should somehow affect how we live.  Yet there seems to be almost no connection between our faith and our life.  We seem to be okay with God is sovereign, the Bible is His word, I really should study it and know what it says, but it really doesn't matter if I live it.
It's like having Jillian Michaels for your personal trainer.  You listen to her about exercise and nutrition, learn how to exercise properly, gain a complete understanding of the interplay between healthy lifestyle and physical health and then sit on the couch watching Gilligan's Island and Brady Bunch reruns eating Twinkies and MooseTrax icecream and get pissed off at Jillian because nothing changed.
We see how ridiculous that is, but how is that any different than the way we treat God?  He told us so many things through scripture for our own good, but we ignore them and live life on our own terms leaving a wake of destruction in our path and then blame God for all the crises and drama in our lives and wonder why He is treating us this way.
Maybe if we listen to the words He has to say and put them into practice, when the storms come (which they always do) we would find ourselves still standing when they pass none the worse for wear for our harrowing experience.
The video is an excerpt from XPerience on Sunday, Sept 11, 2011.

Without ceasing?!?

The idea of praying without ceasing is a difficult one to wrap my head around.  I mean, how long can you keep you head bowed before you get a serious crick in it?

There's a story I once read on the internet that sheds some light on the issue:

A group of theology professors were debating the efficacy of pray within the sovereignty of God and the meaning of "pray without ceasing".  Obviously it had to mean something other the most direct interpretation.  After all, no one can continually pray, there are other aspects of life.  Finally, they settled on the concept that to "pray without ceasing" is an ideal we strive for, but never attain in this life.

Just then a cleaning woman comes in and one of them asks her, "Do you think anyone can pray without ceasing?"  She replies, "Of course!  When I first wake up in the morning I thank God for the new day and ask Him to direct me in a path that is pleasing to Him.  When I put my feet on the floor I thank Him for the health he has given me and I pray for those that I know are ill.  As I pick up my Bible for my morning devotion I ask Him to open my mind to understand, and my heart to want to do what I read in His book.  When I lay it down I ask Him to show me where His word applies in my life and relationships as I go through my day.  When I take a shower I thank Him for his provisions of my home and running water and electricity that puts me among the wealthiest 10% in the whole world.  As I prepare my breakfast I thank Him for His generous provision that is so far beyond what most people in the world have and ask Him to provide for those in need of the basic necessities of life.  And on and on through my day.  Everything offers me a chance to continue my conversation with Him!"

Sometimes I think we over think things a bit in order to give us a way out.  Maybe it does mean exactly what it says - "pray without ceasing."

Just sayin' ...

Edwin L. Freeman Obituary

Edwin L. Freeman Obituary: View Edwin Freeman's Obituary by The Herald

At the memorial service in Boston, Georgia, I spoke of my father's life as a servant.

Mat 5:16 - "Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven."

I don't think I have ever heard this verse used in a memorial service and I didn't see it on any of the "list of memorial scriptures", but it seemed the most appropriate for dad. He was truly the definition of servant.

On of his favorite movies was "Remains of the Day". There is one scene where Anthony Hopkins character is out on the hunt with the master of the house. His master is just sitting on a horse conversing with another huntsman and Hopkins is standing in the drizzle with a cup upheld just in case his master wanted to drink. Winston Churchill said, "Those also serve who ready stand in wait." Dad was always ready, but he rarely stood. He was always serving.

Her served his family. He provided, sometimes through three jobs. And so, we learned the value of hard work. He could and did fix anything. Some of the most dreaded words came when we would ask him to replace something and he would respond with "I can fix that". We just wanted a new one and instead we ended up with a fully functional, however very ugly, repair. And so, we learned to be content with what we had. He helped people. I remember a time when he had sold a van to a woman. The next week, she called. The van had broken down. We went to pick up the van and he gave her the money back. And so, we learned to help people even when it hurt.

He served his church. Every church he has ever attended recognized that he was a man full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom (Acts 6:3). He became a councilor to every pastor he sat under. He served as Sunday School director and deacon, building , maintenance and sound committees and just took care of things whether he was on the committee or not. And so, we learned the value of church family.

In all of this, he served his god. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord (Josh 24:15). His house served the Lord, but it was not by command or coercion. He led us by example, service and love. And so, we learned that service of God is no burden, but an expression of love.

I miss him.

In a Post Dad World

It seems strange that nothing has changed.

The chair needed to be fixed.  The grass needed to be mown.  Bills to pay, dishes to wash, sermon to prepare, budget review to present, children to raise.  Gas in the car, check the e-mail, go for a walk, take a shower, clean the gunk out of the sole of my shoe.

It all seems so normal.

Shouldn't something change.

Maybe the herald who trumpets the differences in this new 'post dad' day and world is late.  Did we fail to convene the conference for the Committees to Pronounce Change in this new age?  Did I miss a memo?  I swear, I checked my email.

Something just has to be different!  It's not possible for there to be a hole this big in my soul and everything remains the same. 

Even so, it is well with my soul ...

On the Day Dad Died

Up from the nap

Planning, calling.

Outside swinging.

The pecan tree drops a limb on the car.

I swallow a gnat.

A black cat screams, “Meow” as it slinks past.

A breeze picks up.

I circumnavigate this 10 acre world.

The ground here is dirty.

My bare feet are black.

I swallow a gnat.

Inside and up the stairs for a shower

Black water swirls in the bottom of the tub as it heads to the drain

My feet are clean

Comfortable shorts and t-shirt.

Yahtze and Rummy – the Freeman social exchange

Glasses of sweet tea our social lubricant

Sarcastic observation and laughter our social language

Memories of moments 

A breeze picks up and a storm blows in.

In a deep place, healing begins

I LOVE young adults!

Spent some time in conversation today with a young woman working as an intern at Orphan's Heart.  Morning devotions have been uniquely God orchestrated.  Even though we are here to minister to these kids and by extension the adults that work with them, I think a good deal of the ministry is coming through our fellowship with one another.

Welcome (But you can't come in)

Hurry, Worry and the Life Abundantly Unlived

Time and again, someone will lament the lack of time.
There is too much going on, too many bells to answer, too many balls to juggle, too many people to see, too much work to be done, too many things left undone or unsaid ....
Then there are those who are concerned about how much they worry.
Will there be enough money, enough equity, enough savings, a steady income.  Will the neighborhood stay safe, the school district maintain excellence, the children make it into the right school to get the right education to land the right job so they can buy the right house in the right neighborhood to raise the grandkids to repeat the cycle.
Is that all there is?
What if the abundant life Christ came to bring us has nothing to do with our stuff, our status, our comfort, our security?   What if He really meant that in order to find our lives, we have to lose them?  To walk away from the "rat race" and pursue God with everything in us.  What if He literally meant Luke 6:20-25?
Just sayin'.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

To the tune of Bobby McFerrin's Don't Worry, Be Happy (here it is if you don't know it).

Here's a little song I heard
I might've had to change a word
Don't worry.  Be happy.

About to head out on a journey
Me dad is laid up on a gurney
Don't worry.  Be happy.

Don't worry.  Be happy now.

The doctor say to call back later
We put him on a ventolator
Don't worry.  Be happy.

Yesterday I called me dad
If I don't go it make him sad
Don't worry.  Be happy

Don't worry, Be happy now.

In this life you have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry.  Be happy.

Sometimes life it seems so frail
But our God will never fail
Don't be worry.  Be happy.

Don't worry.  Be happy now.

Dad updates below coutesy my sister, Sandra:

7/22 4:30a
Had a bad night with breathing. Tried the bipap but had claustraphobia issues with the mask and had to remove it. It started to get some rest around 3 am. He is very tired and breathing is hard. Cardiology will be in to see him in a few more hours for some testing. I will be calling again around 1pm for that update. He does not have a phone in his room so phone calls will not be easy to arrange. If you feel like you must speak to him please let me know so I can get with Virginia to get a good time and the call can only be 5 min. He is tired and having trouble breathing and it is hard to talk. The exception will be my brother James as he is going on a mission trip to Guatamala Sat. and will need to talk with him some. Thank you for sharing this with those who need to know and who want an update so they know how to pray. I will put a new note up everytime I speak with someone about Dad.

7/22 3pm
Had to intubate dad today he was having to hard a time breathing. His infection is responding to the meds. They just need the fluid to go down faster. Intubation was a comfort measure so he could rest and not have to work so hard breathing. Cardio was in last night and they along with Pulmanary and Infection control docs agree that there does not appear to be any heart issuses. His white blood cells are still way to high but are coming down. He still has a while to go. Hopefully he will be off intubation in the next couple of days and breathing better on his own. I will be calling again tonight around 8pm to get the lastest info from the docs who go to rounds later in the day.

7/22 8pm
Just spoke with the night nurse, Dad is resting and all vitals look good. Nothing new, still on the double antibiotic and anti anxciety meds. They were going to do another test to check the bacertia levels in a few min. just to see if they need to change his meds. He has nothing new going on right now. Thank you for all of your support and prayers I know they are being heard in a big way. I know the group going off to Guatamala is thankful as well for the prayers. All is calm now.

Background Music

So I was doing my morning walk and I had been singing Revelation Song out loud (and not sounding too bad, either(which is easy to say when there is no one else around to provide an opinion on the overall vocal quality)) when I noticed that at some point I was no longer singing out loud, but the chorus of the song was playing in the background of my mind as I contemplated the best way to confront an individual on a somewhat messy issue.  I'm singing in the back of my mind somewhere "Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty ..."  In a time that I set aside to be alone with the God of all Creation, who truly is Lord God Almighty, I relegate Him to the background ...
Wow!
I've got such a long way to go ...

God help me ...
'Cause I don't think there is anyone else who can!

If I Had Remembered

I really hurt bad.
Saturday was day three - or the second day after surgery.  It didn't matter how many times I pushed the button on the morphine pump.  There was not a single moment I was not in pain.  Every millimeter of my 7 and 1/4 inch incision hurt.  Pain radiated out from my gut about 6 feet in every conceivable direction.
It hurt to be still.  It hurt to move.  My back hurt hurt from laying still, but the pain of moving was worse.  It hurt to lay flat.  It hurt to sit up.  It hurt to drink.  I couldn't lay on my back without pain.  I couldn't lay on my side without more pain.  The catheter hurt, the IV lines hurt, the drain in my stomach hurt.  My guts were in knots.
Like I said ...
I really hurt bad.
Laura had the night off to fulfill some family obligations and spend some time with the younger boys - it had been a long three days.  But, in her wisdom, she had provided a "sitter" for me.  One of the elders of the church was there to keep an eye on me and make sure I had what I needed.  I acknowledge I was not a very congenial host.    Fortunately, my "sitter" did not require any entertainment.
It was day two.  That means, it was time to walk.  I'd played abdominal surgery before (okay, nowhere near this extant, but I had some experience).  I knew how important this was.  You have to get up and walk around.  It's good for the lungs.  It's good for the bowels.  It's just plain necessary to to get things working again.  It speeds recovery.  And it HURTS!
Around 9:30pm I had my final visitor of the evening and it was time to attempt my endless string of 10 to 15 minute cat naps through my 10 hour night.  I remember clearly my final thought as my "sitter" prepared to leave ...

If I had remembered how much this hurt, I don't think I could have done it!

God often takes us on many side roads, back roads, dirt roads, winding roads and even some off-road paths in order to get us to our destination.  To be honest, there are many places we just wouldn't go if we understood in advance where we were headed.  The most beautiful destinations of vital relationship and fulfilling life are often only reached through difficult potholes and painful detours.  Through the valley of the shadow of death ...
Life hasn't always been easy.  I've messed some things up.  Some bad things have happened.  There are some things I just don't understand.  A lot of them seem absolutely unfair.  Sometimes that path I was on seemed more like hacking my way through the jungle.  Yet, here I am ...
20 years ago if you had told me I would end up right here, right now, you couldn't have made me come.  Now, I couldn't image not taking the journey.  I've made a lot of good friends along the way, not the least of which is my God.  Every time I went around that blind corner into the unknown, there He was!
I have no idea where I'm headed, but I look forward to the next bend in the road.

Better Than Amway

The first time it happened to me, I was working at Subway in Atlanta.  I don't know if we necessarily needed the money or not, I just always worked two jobs.  The only time I didn't is when I was in school, but, then, that could be considered the "second job".  Come to think of it, I've pretty much always worked 50 to 80 hours a week.  But, I digress ...
So this guy comes into Subway and orders his sandwich and we chit chat about this and that while I pile on the veggies and squirt the sauce.  As I am making his change, he says, "What are you doing working at Subway, you could be making $3000 a month?" (I know we say, "$5000 a month, part-time" now, but in 1988 or 89, that was some big bucks!)  He hands me a tri-fold brochure, a cassette tape (for you younger folks, that's like an mp3 download that you could pass along to anyone you wanted to as long as they had the right kind of player (which everyone did)), and sets an appointment to meet with me after I get off work the next night.
So, I read his brochure and listen to his tape which tell me how I am undervalued by my current employers and I could be making a lot of money by helping other people make a lot of money.  All I have to do is help some people help some more people help some other people sell some fantastic products and in no time I'll be a millionaire!  We met.  He talked.  I listened.  He asked not less than 7 times, "What is to prevent you from signing up and getting started right now?", and each time I offered an objection, he dispatched it with such ease, it seemed like there could not be any reason in the world why anyone would not drop everything and enthusiastically join the Amway crusade.  He was very, very disappointed when I wouldn't join him.
There are a lot of people with a lot of need.  And, even though they usually think that need is to make more money so they can have more stuff, the real need is to have vital, healthy relationships.  A few of us have managed to find the peace that comes from being okay in our own skin, of knowing our true identity in Christ and our purpose in this world.  Love, peace and joy are ours.  There is no greater treasure.  And yet we hoard this wealth as if sharing it would somehow diminish our portion.  But, then that's the paradox.
The more we work to give it away, the more of it we receive.  We express our love - love increases.  We practice peacemaking - our peace increases.  We bring joy to others - our joy increases.  What a deal!
The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control - What incredible gifts!
I know what I'm getting everybody for Christmas this year!

At Least We Got That One Down Pat

A long lost schoolmate, whom I recently found (within the last two weeks actually) on fb posted the following:

Be Yourself ~ Truthfully         Accept Yourself ~ Gracefully          Value Yourself ~ Joyfully          Forgive Yourself ~ Completely          Treat Yourself ~ Generously          Balance Yourself ~ Harmoniously          Bless Yourself ~ Abundantly          Trust Yourself ~ Confidently          Love Yourself ~ Wholeheartedly          Empower Yourself ~ Prayerfully          Give Of Yourself ~ Enthusiastically          Express Yourself ~ Radiantly

 My immediate reaction was, "Wow, that's a tad bit narcissistic!"  But then my wife said something in an unrelated conversation that helped me see that my reaction was way off base.
We were in the midst of a discussion about my last message when she made a statement that to me seemed totally unrelated to the subject at hand (or any other subject we had discussed that day).  She said:

Of all the things we are told to do in the Bible, the one we seem to have down pat is "Love your neighbor as yourself."  The reason everything is so messed up is that people can't love themselves.

I'm supposed to be the brilliant communicator, where does she get off making the profound statements!

It's the Journey, Stupid!

I was walking along the riverfront with a recently graduated student.  We often met to walk and talk about all sorts of life, relationship, spiritual, moral, deep issues.  We also worked together ... alot ... I miss that ... but, that's not the story ...
As we walked along, we saw a boy up ahead, fishing.  He had a cheap Shakespeare pole with a cheaper Ebco reel.  His "bait bucket" was a coffee can and he had a 5 gallon bucket to throw his catch into.  The bucket had what looked like an old leash tied to it so he could lower it over the seawall to get water.  As we got close, I asked the obligatory, "Catch anything?"
We talked for awhile about his love of fishing.  He fished every day after school and most weekends.  Usually he caught something, sometimes he didn't.  He ate what was edible and threw back what wasn't.  Rain, shine, hot or cold - it didn't matter.  He just liked to fish.
Last weekend, my 3 sons took part in a fishing tournament.  The oldest caught 2 fish.  The middle son caught 1 fish and the youngest didn't catch any.  There were some prizes handed out for the most catches and a really nice "goodie" bag full of lures, hooks, bobbers and other tackle.  But, it wasn't about the stuff; it was about fishing!
I think we waste the best part of the experience anticipating the outcome.  It's like the whole thing is wasted if we don't achieve the desired result.  The goal is the only thing that matters.  It's success or failure based on the performance matrix of desired outcomes.
What about our life with Christ?  Is it all about the desired outcomes of Salvation, Worry Free Life, Help in Times of Trouble, Material Comfort, Success?  If it is all about the end result, then there can be no joy in the journey.  What about, "Consider it all joy when you encounter troubles ..."?  What about knowing "the fellowship of His sufferings"?  Sounds fun doesn't it.
And yet that is the very place you will find the best parts of God - in the journey every day as he demonstrates time and time again that His strength really is sufficient.  It is not in the places that everything is going according to plan that we encounter the awe, wonder and amazement that is God.
To borrow from the Clinton campaign in '92, "It's the journey, stupid!"
It's in the journey, not the destination.  Success is measured in continuing growth, not in singular achievement. Don't waste it!

F*-Up

I don't know if you are familiar with the story behind To Write Love On Her Arms.  Some folks wanted to help a drug addict, Renee, regain her life.  When she finally responded to their pursuit of her, she had cut the words "F* Up" on her arms with a razor blade.  TWLOHA's mission is to bring hope to the hopeless.  Their very name is the spirit of their mission, to replace "F* Up" with "love".
We can all identify with Renee.  There are times in our life when all we can see is an unending string of mistakes, failures and brokenness.  They can seem to define us as if our failures are all we are or all we can be.
In our church, we are reading through the Bible in a year.  Unfortunately, I'm not real good at following a plan, so, I found myself reading straight through Genesis in one sitting (or at least Genesis chapter 12 to 39).  That encompasses the stories of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob - the fathers of God's covenant people.  Men that God loved, blessed and promised to make into a nation of millions of people.  Men through whom all the world would be blessed.  But then, you look at their lives ...
These guys messed up about as often as they got it right.  Sometimes even messing up the same thing over and over.  Yet they were still loved, deeply loved, by the God of all creation.  Read their stories.  Be inspired by the fact that you can be messed up and not be "a mess up".  Our failures do not define us!
God is a God of 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th and 129th chances.  Let Him heal you and set you on a new path.  "After all, tomorrow is another day."

10th Avenue North, "You Are More"

But That's a Different Sermon

How do we lose sight of how awesome God is?  How is it possible to be totally blown away with wonder and amazement at the incredible love of God in one moment and then retreat into our own selfish world the next?

The first time I saw Brother Lawrence was on the 3rd of August, 1666. He told me that God had done him a singular favor in his conversion at the age of eighteen. During that winter, upon seeing a tree stripped of its leaves and considering that, within a little time, the leaves would be renewed and, after that, the flowers and fruit appear; Brother Lawrence received a high view of the providence and power of God which has never since been effaced from his soul. This view had perfectly set him free from the world and kindled in him such a love for God, that he could not tell whether it had increased in the forty years that he had lived since.   The Practice of the Presence of God

Where is our "high view of the providence and power of God?"  As David writes in Psalm 8:

LORD, our Lord, how magnificent is Your name throughout the earth!     You have covered the heavens with Your majesty.  Because of Your adversaries, You have established a stronghold from the mouths of children and nursing infants, to silence the enemy and the avenger.   When I observe Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and the stars, which You set in place, what is man that You remember him, the son of man that You look after him?  You made him little less than God and crowned him with glory and honor.  You made him lord over the works of Your hands; You put everything under his feet: all the sheep and oxen, as well as animals in the wild, birds of the sky, and fish of the sea passing through the currents of the seas.  LORD, our Lord, how magnificent is Your name throughout the earth!

 Who am I that the God of all creation would even think of me, let alone be intensely interested in my meager existence.?  Yet He comes when I call.  He hears when I cry.  He laughs with me, listens to me, provides for me, protects me, comforts me; in short, HE loves me.  As petty and insignificant as I am, He loves even me!!!
In the end, isn't that the only sermon that matters?
I like the way Casting Crowns puts it:

The Dependent Life

"I just get tired of Him taking me to that place where I have to depend on Him.  I get it already!"
That was the quote of an old friend who has struggled with many hurts, habits and hangups over the last 25+ years.
What he was referring to was his latest battle against depression and addiction.  Clean now for over 4 months after nearly 3 decades of addiction, he still battles depression, severe health issues, and longterm relational damage.  He credits God with rescuing him from himself on numerous occasions and His divine intervention when he "slipped" off the wagon and tried to acquire some "pharmaceutical" relief.  He gives all glory to God for his very existence as he acknowledges that he should have died many times over.  But he still has this nagging feeling that God could accomplish all this without dragging him through the pit of despair to demonstrate his utter and total dependence on Him.
The problem is that we all live an a "Matrix" of our own creation.  Our view of reality is so warped by our own selfish interests and self absorption.  We all cling to an illusion of control.  The reality is that we control nothing.  We are the slightest wisp of vapor that appears for just a moment and then vanishes completely.  We are completely dependent on the God of all creation Who holds everything together by the force of His own will (no it is not the midi-chlorians).  It is not a matter of taking the red pill and waking up to truth and reality or the blue pill and remaining in illusion.  It is simply acknowledging that we are not in control and submitting to the One who is.
The truth is that we are all desperately dependent on God, we just don't want to give up control.  Every now and then, we encounter a situation that demonstrates that we really don't control anything and we are forced to fall back on Deity in whatever form we choose, but as soon as we find stability we immediately rewrite history and tell everyone how we survived by our skill, endurance, intelligence, social connections or just plain good luck.
Truth ... Freedom ... Reality ... these are all found in recognizing our dependence.
Maybe we would avoid some of the pits of despair if we lived in our dependence rather than pretending to be in control.